For a long time, especially when I first started in ministry many years ago, I listened to the local Christian music station in the car. Mostly, this was because I needed a positive space in my life between running from meetings to ball games to home and back. It made sense to fill the background of my life with Jesus music, and I hoped some of the messages would sink in subconsciously.
After a while, though, the Jesus music started getting stale. Boring. Uninspired.
I found some Catholic musicians who were playing "secular" music that carried much more Spirit in the lyrics and the tunes than the mass-market "Christian" stuff... I found some real, heartwrenching beauty where I hadn't expected it - in the religious questions of the grunge movement, in the journey of artists like Bono or Springsteen, in the love and loss songs of Adele or Colbie Caillait.
With that disclaimer, though, I have to admit that when I was in prayer today looking at Christ in the monstrance, I had the old Mercy Me song in my head: I can feel Your presence here with me / Suddenly I'm lost within Your beauty, / Caught up in the wonder of Your touch, / Here, in this moment, I surrender to Your love.
It's a very intimate song, a modern reflection perhaps of the Song of Songs. God as Lover. A God who is at once real and passionate - towards us, towards me.
And on this last Friday before Holy Week, I couldn't help playing that last line over and over in my mind and heart. I surrender to Your love. What does this mean? Surrender is a strong word. One doesn't "surrender" partially. You surrender fully or not at all. In a more negative connotation, surrendering to an enemy, for instance, means you put your life in their hands. We've all seen the war movies. Those who wave a white flag usually keep their lives, but they are at the complete mercy of the victor. They risk poor treatment, imprisonment, slavery. They give all they have -land, belongings, power, ownership - away. They trade their lives for loss, and for mercy.
Surrendering to love is, of course, not quite this same thing, though it does have the same notes. One must give up one's very self, knock down all walls or barriers, in a sense relinquish "ownership" to become part of another, and not just empowered over one's own self... one becomes another's, as in "I am my Beloved's, and He is mine." Perhaps the greatest difference is that this is a "positive" event, and not a choice of desperation.
Why wouldn't we surrender to love? After all, love hopes all things, wants our very best, is patient, kind, and gentle. And still, I find myself resisting that surrender in so many ways. As in, God, I will give you everything except... or just Not Now, God, maybe later. Surrender is scary, it means I cannot control everything (or anything?), and over and above all things, it means I have to Trust. I have to trust in the reality of love. I have to believe that God really is Love, and not a tyrant. And, as with human love, it's most desireable that I would meet passion with passion - that surrendering to Love is not only giving of myself completely in wild abandon, but also fueling the fire of my own love in a full and meaningful gift, because that is surrendering to love within me.
As my heart continues to be tested, I find myself truly wanting to surrender it to Love. Because I know with both my head and my heart that my Beloved will carry me where I cannot tread alone, will soothe me from fear, will hold my hand and give me courage to be truly myself. I know where Love is everything, there I want to be. Caught up in the beauty of Love, I can feel the presence of the Lover of my soul, and I can only be ravished by His love with a full and resounding YES.
With the Annunciation only days ago, and deep in the thick of Lent, we are reminded of what that yes might look like. That yes is yes to change. To being filled with that which is other than ourselves- the Holy Spirit. To being pregnant, waiting, obvious in our relationship to God. That yes is surrender to love - in a passionate, physical, spiritual, emotional way, "again, and again, and again."
So may our prayer be that fiat, that Yes that resonates through time and space this Holy Week, acknowledging a love that broke our bonds and frees us each and every day to choose to surrender to His love.
To Your majesty, and Your beauty, I surrender. / To Your holiness, and your Love, I surrender. / For you are an awesome God, who is mighty, / Who deserves my deepest praise./ With all of my heart, and all of my life, I surrender.
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Friday, March 30, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Where Have All the Students Gone?
When I was a student at Rutgers University in the 90s, you couldn't go a week without Somebody protesting Something. The college newspaper had weekly reports of students handcuffing themselves to radiators in the communications buildings, photos of the tent city on college avenue, or mention of loudmouthed picketers across from the student center. I know it was the 90s, and Gen Xers had a lot to say, about similar things we consider now- sexism, politics, human rights, tuition hikes and economic slumps. We didn't occupy Wall Street with our $30 per month data plans intact, but we did occupy the college green with tarps and hopes and passion.
Perhaps this is going to sound like a "back in my day we walked a mile uphill both ways to school, by crackey" post. But I'm really not that old - and I really am just so surprised. I expect young people to be wild and passionate. When else does one have the energy for it? As we grow older, we tend to be more temperate. And yet, this gross generalization is based on what I saw last week at the Religious Freedom Rally in Trenton, NJ.
I joined about 250 others on a sunny Friday midday at the Trenton statehouse. Two hundred of them were over 40, maybe over 50. The other few dozen were a group of CFR novices (they rock), perhaps a dozen young women in their twenties, and a number of children running around their moms.
Where were the college students?
So many Catholics, so many Americans who DO believe the religious freedom is as basic and inalienable a right as the right to be an American, wanted to be at those rallies. Some people sacrificed a personal day from work in order to be present. Many others, like stay at home moms, or folks who work for churches, had an easier time getting into a car and staying out of an office (or the supermarket) for just one day. But if anyone has the sheer luxury of being able to take time in the middle of a random Friday to hop on a train or bus or car and rally in Trenton, it is college students. Not only are they less likely to have Friday classes, they are far less likely to be truly penalized for taking a personal day.
So I have to ask. What are we doing as leaders to promote action and participation? Should we not recommend full, active and conscious participation within the Body of Christ, not just in the presence of the Body of Christ? Why didn't the Catholic colleges send buses? Seton Hall, St. Elizabeth's, Caldwell, Felician, Georgian Court, St. Peter's have hundreds of students making their voices heard? They all can vote... Why weren't the ministry centers there from Rutgers, Rider, Rowan, Kean, Stockton, Ramapo...?
I find it truly hard to believe there is no passion there.
I find it truly hard to believe there is no concern about First Amendment rights at our colleges and universities?
Why, then, the absence? Are we just uninformed? Is something more sinister at work? Is this perhaps the entitled generation about which we have been hearing, or are we just not leading well, and forming and inspiring leaders and people who care and act?
I'd love to hear from you if you are a college student, or a campus minister - were you there? And if not, what can we do to change this? Because we NEED YOUR VOICE!
Perhaps this is going to sound like a "back in my day we walked a mile uphill both ways to school, by crackey" post. But I'm really not that old - and I really am just so surprised. I expect young people to be wild and passionate. When else does one have the energy for it? As we grow older, we tend to be more temperate. And yet, this gross generalization is based on what I saw last week at the Religious Freedom Rally in Trenton, NJ.
I joined about 250 others on a sunny Friday midday at the Trenton statehouse. Two hundred of them were over 40, maybe over 50. The other few dozen were a group of CFR novices (they rock), perhaps a dozen young women in their twenties, and a number of children running around their moms.
Where were the college students?
So many Catholics, so many Americans who DO believe the religious freedom is as basic and inalienable a right as the right to be an American, wanted to be at those rallies. Some people sacrificed a personal day from work in order to be present. Many others, like stay at home moms, or folks who work for churches, had an easier time getting into a car and staying out of an office (or the supermarket) for just one day. But if anyone has the sheer luxury of being able to take time in the middle of a random Friday to hop on a train or bus or car and rally in Trenton, it is college students. Not only are they less likely to have Friday classes, they are far less likely to be truly penalized for taking a personal day.
So I have to ask. What are we doing as leaders to promote action and participation? Should we not recommend full, active and conscious participation within the Body of Christ, not just in the presence of the Body of Christ? Why didn't the Catholic colleges send buses? Seton Hall, St. Elizabeth's, Caldwell, Felician, Georgian Court, St. Peter's have hundreds of students making their voices heard? They all can vote... Why weren't the ministry centers there from Rutgers, Rider, Rowan, Kean, Stockton, Ramapo...?
I find it truly hard to believe there is no passion there.
I find it truly hard to believe there is no concern about First Amendment rights at our colleges and universities?
Why, then, the absence? Are we just uninformed? Is something more sinister at work? Is this perhaps the entitled generation about which we have been hearing, or are we just not leading well, and forming and inspiring leaders and people who care and act?
I'd love to hear from you if you are a college student, or a campus minister - were you there? And if not, what can we do to change this? Because we NEED YOUR VOICE!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Solidarity and Sisterhood
I am having one of those Agony in the Garden days. You know, the kind where everyone else is asleep or away and your heart is so, so full, but even God seems otherwise occupied?
I know we're not at Holy Week yet, but Lent somehow feels more "lenty" today - blasted meterologists said it was going to be sunny, and it's not yet.
Once in a while I get these moments of sheer fullness, of being overwhelmed by all the injustice and evil and stupidity in the world. I find myself wanting to call someone. But everyone's at work, right? So I pick up the phone and text and erase and put down the phone because, really, no one needs to deal with me at full bore passion-and-upset, especially if they think I'm just calling to say hi. And, sighing, resigned, I turn where I first should turn, to the One who loves me, and lay it all bare, but sometimes still just feel raw and empty, even though I know I am loved.
This is where community counts.
This is where I think each of us needs a support system, but not only with those few close friends who are vital (and they are!). We need to be acting and living in solidarity with our sisters, who are the best reflection back to us of who we want to be, and ought to be.
I often have conversations with teens, and even college women, who prefer the company of guys. Last month, I was explaining to a 13 year old that she has every right to like to be friends with the boys. After all, they are far, far easier. Men sort of put it out there - and whether we like it or not- they usually are pretty clear about what they want. Food, sports, quiet, sleep. A few other things, of course. And I am not minimizing the depth and gift of masculinity. Not at all. It's just not usually all that "hidden."
So I told this girl to enjoy those great and easy friendships. But also - here's the crux- not to miss out on the hard, difficult, painstaking, complicated relationships with other women. Because that is how we learn who we are, and what it means to be women.
In the grey days, the empty days, the stay-in-my-pjs and close-the-door days, we need to have women who understand. Who will pray for us, and with us. Who will be our sisters.
On a day like today, I have to admit, I have no energy left to reach out for myself. But it's exactly now that I deeply need encouragement, courage, love, nurturing, understanding. Maybe this is part of a woman's genius - to see the need and step into the chasm in love and fidelity. To reach out to her sister and let her know she is not alone. Perhaps community and communion will not make the agony go away, but perhaps the garden can at least smell much sweeter if we don't have to face it all alone.
I know we're not at Holy Week yet, but Lent somehow feels more "lenty" today - blasted meterologists said it was going to be sunny, and it's not yet.
Once in a while I get these moments of sheer fullness, of being overwhelmed by all the injustice and evil and stupidity in the world. I find myself wanting to call someone. But everyone's at work, right? So I pick up the phone and text and erase and put down the phone because, really, no one needs to deal with me at full bore passion-and-upset, especially if they think I'm just calling to say hi. And, sighing, resigned, I turn where I first should turn, to the One who loves me, and lay it all bare, but sometimes still just feel raw and empty, even though I know I am loved.
This is where community counts.
This is where I think each of us needs a support system, but not only with those few close friends who are vital (and they are!). We need to be acting and living in solidarity with our sisters, who are the best reflection back to us of who we want to be, and ought to be.
I often have conversations with teens, and even college women, who prefer the company of guys. Last month, I was explaining to a 13 year old that she has every right to like to be friends with the boys. After all, they are far, far easier. Men sort of put it out there - and whether we like it or not- they usually are pretty clear about what they want. Food, sports, quiet, sleep. A few other things, of course. And I am not minimizing the depth and gift of masculinity. Not at all. It's just not usually all that "hidden."
So I told this girl to enjoy those great and easy friendships. But also - here's the crux- not to miss out on the hard, difficult, painstaking, complicated relationships with other women. Because that is how we learn who we are, and what it means to be women.
In the grey days, the empty days, the stay-in-my-pjs and close-the-door days, we need to have women who understand. Who will pray for us, and with us. Who will be our sisters.
On a day like today, I have to admit, I have no energy left to reach out for myself. But it's exactly now that I deeply need encouragement, courage, love, nurturing, understanding. Maybe this is part of a woman's genius - to see the need and step into the chasm in love and fidelity. To reach out to her sister and let her know she is not alone. Perhaps community and communion will not make the agony go away, but perhaps the garden can at least smell much sweeter if we don't have to face it all alone.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Free Sterilization for College Girls - What The?
(Find your voice here: WOMEN have a voice and if you are at all intrigued... if you feel like "yay! finally!" please read the letter and sign it.)
I am horrified that this mandate keeps getting worse - if that were possible. The newest details show that part of "preventive health care for women" will now include STERILIZATION for free for COLLEGE STUDENTS.
Let that sink in.
The 18-22 year olds who are mostly just learning to use a bus schedule, cook macaroni and cheese, do their own laundry as well as balance academic schedules and social issues are being put in the position to choose sterilization as a viable form of birth control.
College Women are going to be told that their womanhood - in the form of their reproductive fertility - is UNDESIREABLE, and that it is such a legitimate choice to surgically render themselves infertile that the US Government will PAY for it. This is doubly upsetting to those of us Catholics who realize this will also be mandated in the coverage for those attending Catholic schools... But nonetheless, this is not just anti-Catholic. It is deeply, clearly and vehemently ANTI Woman.
Women! It is time to raise our voices. No one can tell us that our fertility is a disease, without insinuating that our very womanhood is suspect. Raise your voices. Send the information to the women you respect and who respect their own womanhood. Insist that men understand what is going on here, and that they too have a responsiblity to recognize and protect the genius and beauty of womanhood.
If you shiver at the word "passive" linked with "femininity" like I do - well, here's your chance to show the world what power we wield, and our deep understanding and connection to life. Rise up, my sisters, for the future of women everywhere.
I am horrified that this mandate keeps getting worse - if that were possible. The newest details show that part of "preventive health care for women" will now include STERILIZATION for free for COLLEGE STUDENTS.
Let that sink in.
The 18-22 year olds who are mostly just learning to use a bus schedule, cook macaroni and cheese, do their own laundry as well as balance academic schedules and social issues are being put in the position to choose sterilization as a viable form of birth control.
College Women are going to be told that their womanhood - in the form of their reproductive fertility - is UNDESIREABLE, and that it is such a legitimate choice to surgically render themselves infertile that the US Government will PAY for it. This is doubly upsetting to those of us Catholics who realize this will also be mandated in the coverage for those attending Catholic schools... But nonetheless, this is not just anti-Catholic. It is deeply, clearly and vehemently ANTI Woman.
Women! It is time to raise our voices. No one can tell us that our fertility is a disease, without insinuating that our very womanhood is suspect. Raise your voices. Send the information to the women you respect and who respect their own womanhood. Insist that men understand what is going on here, and that they too have a responsiblity to recognize and protect the genius and beauty of womanhood.
If you shiver at the word "passive" linked with "femininity" like I do - well, here's your chance to show the world what power we wield, and our deep understanding and connection to life. Rise up, my sisters, for the future of women everywhere.
Monday, March 12, 2012
WOMEN - Find Your Voice
I can't just let it go.
I won't just let it go.
My religious liberty is under attack under the guise of a fight over contraception. The administration was devious and clever. And we have fallen for it - answering and explaining and arguing why contraception is a moral evil. Never bringing the other two major points of the mandate into question: abortion & sterilization, as if they weren't issues. We have fought about money and morality, ignoring the elephant in the room... Weakly, and mostly privately, ruing the first blows in our American history to our religious freedom... Publically presenting Our Morality on the lips of well-dressed, grey-haired men.
My heart is battered and bursting. I continue to pray and beg and rage: WHY.
Why are we playing a slanted game on the "away" field with the wrong players?
Yesterday I read the "Freedom from religion" article in the NY Times. I was aghast at the sentiment. We built this nation on religious freedom, literally fought and died for it. I believe with all my heart you have the right to refrain from embrace of any religion in your life. But you have no right to keep me from practicing mine, unencumbered. My heart grew still heavier, and wondered where the women were to stand up against this mess.
Today - thanks be to the God who made me (and YES the God in whom I believe!) I finally came across other women willing to cry out in a collective VOICE. We are here - and you CANNOT speak for us! We have a VOICE! and we are tired of having it taken away by an administration that devalues us, by women who believe in convenience over freedom, and by any institution that would deny us our own words...
Please read, sign, join, pray. Where are the women? Well, they are HERE so "don't claim to speak for all women" because we, too, the 2% and MORE, have a voice.
I won't just let it go.
My religious liberty is under attack under the guise of a fight over contraception. The administration was devious and clever. And we have fallen for it - answering and explaining and arguing why contraception is a moral evil. Never bringing the other two major points of the mandate into question: abortion & sterilization, as if they weren't issues. We have fought about money and morality, ignoring the elephant in the room... Weakly, and mostly privately, ruing the first blows in our American history to our religious freedom... Publically presenting Our Morality on the lips of well-dressed, grey-haired men.
My heart is battered and bursting. I continue to pray and beg and rage: WHY.
Why are we playing a slanted game on the "away" field with the wrong players?
Yesterday I read the "Freedom from religion" article in the NY Times. I was aghast at the sentiment. We built this nation on religious freedom, literally fought and died for it. I believe with all my heart you have the right to refrain from embrace of any religion in your life. But you have no right to keep me from practicing mine, unencumbered. My heart grew still heavier, and wondered where the women were to stand up against this mess.
Today - thanks be to the God who made me (and YES the God in whom I believe!) I finally came across other women willing to cry out in a collective VOICE. We are here - and you CANNOT speak for us! We have a VOICE! and we are tired of having it taken away by an administration that devalues us, by women who believe in convenience over freedom, and by any institution that would deny us our own words...
Please read, sign, join, pray. Where are the women? Well, they are HERE so "don't claim to speak for all women" because we, too, the 2% and MORE, have a voice.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Reverencing the Body
I haven't been writing, because I was away serving on a week long course with the Theology of the Body Institute. And now that I'm back, I feel like I'm so full of things to say, I can't focus. But don't worry - I shall forge ahead through the muck and mire of my brain to produce at least a thought or two for you, my valiant readers.
I have been studying TOB in some way for the past several years, and clearly the teaching in the most basic form recognizes the goodness of the body. Yup, got it. Wait two years. Hear it again. Got it. Wait a year. Hear it again. Got it?
Manichaeism runs deep.
The environment in which I was raised certainly expounded this puritanical belief that the spirit (and spiritual) was Good, and that the body (the Flesh) was Bad. Having an hour long prayer time = good. Exposing your knees = bad. And while much of this was not directly said, there was an attitude among the faithful folks with whom I shared life. Some of the ideas became extreme. While living in a house with several other young women, our house leader decided we should not go running/jogging, because it was "unfeminine." And while the daily prayer and shared study was not a bad thing, there was this certain understanding that the body wasn't something to prioritize. You get the picture.
Many of you reading this may not have had the kind of examples that I can pull out of a hat based on my countercultural upbringing. Nonetheless, just my family evirons kept me from ever thinking that I needed to prioritize my body as well as my spirit. I didn't come from one of those homes where you go jogging on Sunday mornings with your dad, or where your family drives around in a minivan from sports event to sports event. My parents' spare time was spent at church, at prayer, in service to others, etc. All good things, yes. But this didn't instill a sense of body + soul = goodness.
And so this past week, in the midst of the plethora of information, the time spent sharing life and faith with others, the hours with Jesus, the phrase that stood out in my mind and heart was one said at the end of the week by our chaplain: Reverence Your Body.
Um, yeah. Gotcha.
Now listen, I could spend countless hours in misery because I ate a frosty at Wendy's the other day, or because the polish on my nails is still chipping off from last month's spontaneous girlishness, or because I can't remember the last time I willingly looked at a scale. For me, the body is something that I "know" is important, but somehow just ends up way, way down at the end of a tiresome to-do list. But my heart is beginning to take up the rallying cry once again.
Reverence Your Body.
So this week I started again. Yes, I'm already eating flax & fiber bread, and drinking skim milk. I've been doing that for ages, despite the story my body might tell. But I also spent 40 minutes on Monday dance-exercising. And I loved it. I have shuffled the budget around so I can get a monthly pedicure because, let's face it, I can't do the job that the lady in the shop can do. I drank enough water this morning that I was busting at the seams...
We all have these things, I believe. And even if you are the person who runs or bikes every day and eats only superfoods, I suspect there is still always room to love your body better - get good sleep, look in the mirror naked without shrieking, you know, SEE the soul that is formed by the body, and be awed by God's goodness.
This Lent, I am focused on reverencing the body I have, because of the Body that was Given. Because the body reveals the person. And because my body can reveal not just who I am, but Whose I am.
Happy Lent.
I have been studying TOB in some way for the past several years, and clearly the teaching in the most basic form recognizes the goodness of the body. Yup, got it. Wait two years. Hear it again. Got it. Wait a year. Hear it again. Got it?
Manichaeism runs deep.
The environment in which I was raised certainly expounded this puritanical belief that the spirit (and spiritual) was Good, and that the body (the Flesh) was Bad. Having an hour long prayer time = good. Exposing your knees = bad. And while much of this was not directly said, there was an attitude among the faithful folks with whom I shared life. Some of the ideas became extreme. While living in a house with several other young women, our house leader decided we should not go running/jogging, because it was "unfeminine." And while the daily prayer and shared study was not a bad thing, there was this certain understanding that the body wasn't something to prioritize. You get the picture.
Many of you reading this may not have had the kind of examples that I can pull out of a hat based on my countercultural upbringing. Nonetheless, just my family evirons kept me from ever thinking that I needed to prioritize my body as well as my spirit. I didn't come from one of those homes where you go jogging on Sunday mornings with your dad, or where your family drives around in a minivan from sports event to sports event. My parents' spare time was spent at church, at prayer, in service to others, etc. All good things, yes. But this didn't instill a sense of body + soul = goodness.
And so this past week, in the midst of the plethora of information, the time spent sharing life and faith with others, the hours with Jesus, the phrase that stood out in my mind and heart was one said at the end of the week by our chaplain: Reverence Your Body.
Um, yeah. Gotcha.
Now listen, I could spend countless hours in misery because I ate a frosty at Wendy's the other day, or because the polish on my nails is still chipping off from last month's spontaneous girlishness, or because I can't remember the last time I willingly looked at a scale. For me, the body is something that I "know" is important, but somehow just ends up way, way down at the end of a tiresome to-do list. But my heart is beginning to take up the rallying cry once again.
Reverence Your Body.
So this week I started again. Yes, I'm already eating flax & fiber bread, and drinking skim milk. I've been doing that for ages, despite the story my body might tell. But I also spent 40 minutes on Monday dance-exercising. And I loved it. I have shuffled the budget around so I can get a monthly pedicure because, let's face it, I can't do the job that the lady in the shop can do. I drank enough water this morning that I was busting at the seams...
We all have these things, I believe. And even if you are the person who runs or bikes every day and eats only superfoods, I suspect there is still always room to love your body better - get good sleep, look in the mirror naked without shrieking, you know, SEE the soul that is formed by the body, and be awed by God's goodness.
This Lent, I am focused on reverencing the body I have, because of the Body that was Given. Because the body reveals the person. And because my body can reveal not just who I am, but Whose I am.
Happy Lent.
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